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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109004">Morning After</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Facialteeth/pseuds/Noteventhat'>Noteventhat (Facialteeth)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec is a good boyfriend, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blind Magnus Bane, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Magnus' POV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:36:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26109004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Facialteeth/pseuds/Noteventhat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus had no clue when he gave up his magic that he’d lose his sight as well but once he did it, he couldn’t take it back. </p><p>Magnus is blind and Alec desperately tries to make things okay again, even when they're not.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Morning After</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't know. This just came to me. Have some angst.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Magnus laid in Alexander’s bed, pressed under the scratchy sheets that were just another reminder of something that had been taken from him. He’d lost so much over the past few weeks. He’d lost more than he had ever imagined that he would. His magic alone was something Magnus never imagined he would ever have to live without. It was an integral part of him. He couldn’t comprehend a universe where he could be <em>Magnus Bane</em> without it and yet, here he was.</p><p>Losing his magic was hard enough but that wasn’t the only thing he had lost when he'd made the choice to give it up. It didn’t make sense that you’d have a warlock mark if you didn’t have magic. Warlock marks were physical manifestations of the demonic blood in their bodies, fueled by the magic they harnessed. Without his magic, his eyes could no longer sit in his body and function like they had before. Without his magic, they didn’t work. Magnus hadn’t expected that but he knew that his father had. There was no way Asmodeus hadn’t known. Of course, he hadn’t said anything to Magnus about it. Not that it would have made much of a difference anyway. If Magnus had known he’d be blinded, would he have still done it?</p><p>Probably. Really, he hadn’t had much of a choice. Going to his father, giving up his magic - they were both unthinkable things he’d done in a haze of panic. He had to save Jace. It was his fault that Jace was like that, so he had to save him. There was no other option. Knowing he was giving up his sight wouldn’t have changed anything at all. He still would have ended up here; magicless, sightless and without his home.</p><p>But he hadn’t known until the last of his magic had left his body and his sight had slowly disappeared along with it. He hadn’t needed to tell anyone that something was wrong. Apparently, it had been obvious. His eyes were glazed over now, like they had been that way his whole life. Magnus hadn’t known that at first but he’d heard Catarina and Alec murmuring to each other about it, when they thought he couldn’t hear. He imagined what his eyes must look like now and he didn’t like the thought.</p><p>He had never been fond of his eyes to begin with. They were something he was ashamed of. They were something that reminded him of his mother taking her own life and his father, telling him he was a monster and meaning it as a praise. Normal, they’d been hard for him to deal with but imagining his same slit eyes, fuzzy and glazed over with a gray hue - well, to say the least Magnus imagined they didn’t look very pretty.</p><p>He wondered what Alec thought about them. Alec had always loved his cat eyes. He’d said so countless times before but Alec had yet to comment on their new appearance. Magnus was pretty sure Alec thought it would upset him to hear about it. Maybe, he was hoping Magnus would never know how his eyes looked now or maybe, he was just trying to spare him from it for now.</p><p>Magnus was sure Alec would tell him eventually. He wouldn’t hide it but for now, Magnus certainly wasn’t going to complain that it hadn’t come up.</p><p>Magnus heard Alec's bedroom door open, breaking him out of his thoughts. He didn’t move to sit up, like he might have before. He assumed it was Alec coming in but he couldn’t exactly tell, nor was he going to open his mouth and ask who it was on the off chance that it wasn’t his boyfriend. Magnus stayed still, curled on his side, hoping Alec would assume he was asleep and leave him alone for a little while longer. Of course, Alec didn’t.</p><p>He’d been in bed for two days now. Alec knew he wasn’t still sleeping.</p><p>The bed dipped as Alec settled his weight behind him. Magnus heard the soft murmur of Alec’s voice, “Magnus?” Alec shifted as he spoke and Magnus could hear something clicking, perhaps utensils or cups. “I brought something to eat... “ He continued hesitantly, when Magnus didn’t answer him. “I thought we could eat together and then… maybe, we could talk about those apartments? I think you’d really like the one I found yesterday.”</p><p>Magnus remained silent. It wasn’t that he wanted to ignore Alec but it was more that opening his mouth and responding took far more effort than Magnus thought he had left in him. He also was not interested in eating whatever Alec had brought or talking about apartment listings that he couldn’t look at but it wouldn’t help anyone if he said that out loud.</p><p>Magnus felt Alec’s fingers press against his back, caressing gently down his skin in a way that Magnus had always liked before. “I know you’re awake,” Alec said finally. “You need to eat something. I bought eggs, waffles and some coffee. I know you don’t like the Institute's coffee but we could go out later and get coffee at that place you like.” Alec spoke almost desperately, like he was trying to get his words to hit whatever mark it was that would make Magnus sit up and talk to him again.</p><p>He was trying so hard.</p><p>“Did you bring creamer?” Magnus asked after too long of a pause. His voice cracked from inuse and he couldn’t quite make his words sound anything less than miserable but when Alec responded, it was like he hadn’t noticed. Instead, he sounded so relieved that Magnus had spoken at all. It made Magnus’ heart ache. He was hurting him. He knew he was but he was hurting himself and Magnus couldn’t be strong for him right now.</p><p>“Yeah, I bought the normal one and then uh- this hazelnut one I thought you might like.” After Alec spoke, there was a long silence and then, he spoke again a little more hesitantly, “Do you want to sit up and have some?”</p><p>Magnus didn’t. The last thing he wanted to do was sit up and put anything in his mouth, especially something as vile as the Institute’s coffee. The thought made him feel sick but he hadn’t eaten yesterday. Magnus knew Alec would not let him go another day without eating. If their situations were reversed, Magnus would make Alec eat too but that didn’t mean it was any easier to get himself to do it, just because he understood.</p><p>Slowly, Magnus forced himself up onto his arms. He could feel Alec’s side pressing gently into his, grounding him to something besides the bed, but otherwise, Magnus wasn't aware of anything else. He could smell the food, now that he cared enough to try but he didn’t know where it was. He didn’t know where the mug Alec had brought him was. He didn’t know what Alec had brought it on, if he’d brought in a tray or if he’d balanced the two mugs and the creamer on the plates he was carrying.</p><p>Magnus didn’t know how Alec looked right now. He didn’t know if his hair was rumbled from sleep or if he’d bothered to straighten it out before he went to get their food. He didn’t know if Alec had gotten dressed or not. He didn’t if Alec looked tired and if his eyes were weary and puffy. He didn’t know if Alec looked sad. He didn’t know if Alec looked upset, if he was forcing his voice to be light when really, he was anything but.</p><p>Magnus used to be able to see right through Alec. Even when Alec insisted he was fine, Magnus could look at him and be able to tell instantly that he wasn’t fine. Magnus used to be able to tell when Alec had a bad day or when he had a hard time sleeping or even when he was upset with Magnus or he had something he wanted to tell him but he didn’t know how. Now, Alec was just another thing that was so far away from him. He was just another thing Magnus was disconnected from.</p><p>Magnus jumped slightly when Alec pressed something warm into his hands. The mug, Magnus realized after a second. He should have assumed so but it had still caught him so off guard. Magnus Bane, former High Warlock of Brooklyn, scared of a mug.</p><p>“Sorry,” Alec whispered.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Magnus said back. It wasn’t really fine but it wasn’t Alec’s fault either. What could Alec do, stop handing him things?</p><p>Magnus took a small sip, letting the silence overtake them. The coffee was just as bitter as Magnus had expected but he took another sip anyway, surprised when the warmth managed to sooth something in him, just a little bit.</p><p>“Do you want to hear about the apartment?” Alec asked after a long moment, sounding uncertain. He sounded like he was scared he was going to scare Magnus away, like he was a frightened animal but Magnus didn’t blame him. It was the first time Magnus had sat up and spoken in so long. Alec was scared he was going to say something wrong and scare Magnus back into himself.</p><p>Truthfully, Magnus didn’t want to hear about the apartment. He didn’t want this coffee. He didn’t want the food. He didn’t want to talk but Alec was trying so hard. He was trying to do everything right. He was trying so desperately to make Magnus feel better and to do the perfect thing to show Magnus he was there for him.</p><p>He was trying to make everything okay when it wasn’t and he couldn’t. He couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t get Magnus’ magic back for him or his sight. He couldn’t make Magnus feel better, not really but he was going to try until he drove himself into the ground and the least Magnus could do was try back.</p><p>“If I can have a waffle while you do,” Magnus murmured at last.</p><p>“Uh, yeah-” Magnus heard Alec’s surprised scramble before a plate was being placed in Magnus’ lap, a fork being pressed into his free hand. “There’s whip cream and strawberries on it. I know you like that. I tried to look for some blueberries too but we didn’t have any.”</p><p>There was a moment after Alec spoke where Magnus froze. Even this simple thing, trying to eat, was foreign to him. He didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know how to eat it without making a mess. He didn’t even know where to start.</p><p>Slowly, Magnus reached out with his fork until he felt it press into something soft. When he raised it to his lips, he found that his fork was full of cream. Once again, Magnus was surprised by the fact that he liked it. It was whipped cream. Of course, he liked it. He had before and he would now but it still came as a surprise that anything was enjoyable when it still felt like nothing ever would be again.</p><p>Magnus leaned softly into Alec’s side, getting himself another forkful of cream.</p><p>Things weren’t okay. They were far from it and it felt like things would never be okay again but the coffee wasn’t awful and Magnus had the same sweet tooth he’d always had before. He could try to pretend for right now that everything was alright. He could let himself enjoy the warmth of his boyfriend’s side and the food he’d brought and maybe, if he focused on all the small things, they’d outweigh the big ones, someday.</p><p>Maybe and if he never got there, at the very least he’d still have Alec.</p><p>“Tell me about it,” Magnus said finally. He tried to listen as Alec described the apartment to him. He got the important details he was pretty sure but he didn’t really care about the apartment they might move into. It wasn’t like he could see it anyway but he pretended that he cared and really, it was just nice to listen to Alec talk when he didn’t have to say anything back.</p><p>Things weren’t okay but compared to yesterday, when Magnus had stayed silent, curled into Alec’s bed all day and then night, things seemed a little better. Magnus’ chest felt a little lighter and the world felt just a touch warmer.</p><p>That was something.</p>
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